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| Elder Squire and I in front of a bridge that has like 160 years. (this sentence is correct in Spanish) |
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| The Bishop and I in front of that same bridge. |
In the section above mentioned, I have found comfort this last week. I have imagined seeing Christ before me and His guardian angels on my left and right. I have felt his love and protection during this week. I also noticed on Thursday that something felt weird! I felt wrong. We went out and I was still feeling that way. We were not having much success anywhere we went. I started to focus on trying to see Christ before me, preparing the way to the hearts of those in need and those around me. I noticed something! He is perfect, He knows exactly where to go, but I am not. He may go before me to the right house and then turn around and I, being human, made a wrong turn or stopped too early or am walking away from Him. I started to feel bad and feel like we had gone away from where He had prepared and where He had wanted us to go. We had literally just walked out of a city (The cities kinda just start and stop). I had no idea what to do and how to do it! I was lost but I continued to focus on this scripture and see if I could look and see His footsteps to follow and find the one in need! We turned and started to walk the way we came and I was looking at the ground and thinking "What would Christ do if He was with me?" At this moment I looked up just to get my bearings and I imagined Christ turning and saying, like He did to His apostles, "Why are you troubled?" and giving a gentle smile showing His love for me. I felt the spirit wash over me and I thought to myself, what would I want Christ to see as he turned around and saw me. I took a visual image of myself and saw how troubled I really looked. I hadn't yet smiled and I wasn't even enjoying what was around me. I was looking at the dirt thinking. I thought once again, what would Christ want to see from me when He turns to look at me if one of his servants and sheep had lost their way and needed a shepherd to guide him back to His fold? I instantly started to smile and look up. I knew at that moment that He was watching and that He had prepared a way for me and for all of His Children. Times may get hard and the world may feel like it's collapsing around us, yet, just as in this story Christ will take joy in seeing us smile and continue to follow Him and His ways. I know that through all my journeys so far in Mexico and all my challenges, the largest of all is being patient with a good attitude waiting for the showers and mighty winds to stop and yet smiling the entire time with faith that it will get better and improve. It may be the hardest part of my days, yet, I know that as I work and progress and become better He is there right with me helping me and providing what I need to accomplish the means set before me! I testify of the power of a smile. As simple as it may be and even as you may not mean it, that smile helps you more than we know. It brings us closer to Christ! I promise you that as you stay cheerful and follow Christ that you will feel His love for you and feel His arms support you when you fall and His hands guide you when you can't see! I know the church is the best way to come closer to him and be guided by His servants and by Him. I love and miss you!!! In the name of our Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
To Dad,
This time has been hard. I am working hard and yet I am not making much progress. I was told that it would be like the snowball effect, yet, it hasn't been. If anything it is a backward snowball effect. I am pushing a larger snowball now and it is just getting harder. I love the work and I love the people! At times I am just so tired that my faculties stop working. I have never known this feeling. I tried to fix it but eating healthy is a really bad idea here. The doctor said that my broccoli and lettuce is most likely the cause of my illness. She recommended that I eat like a normal Mexican and just not care about eating healthy. This is hard for me and it is driving me insane!!! I love veggies and to my knowledge, there is no way to eat them here! Fruits with a shell, like an orange, are kinda safe, but that is about it. If you have any ideas, I would love to know them. For now, I am going to eat what I know to be safe and won't give me more worms. Yeah, I have worms :/ I threw up a moving hair and my companion said: "Well, you have got worms". So, yeah, I have them now. It is gross to think about! But I have a medication to fix it.
I am looking to the everlasting tomorrow with worry and fear, yet, with hope and confidence. I have faith, yet, I feel fallen. I know what to do and am doing it, yet, I am not progressing. I am doing what I can and what I know to be right, yet, I fail every day and it seems like everything around me is becoming more and more distant, yet, I can see further than I have ever done before. I guess I am just noticing how much I have left to do, even after I have done so much! It is insane! But I feel up to the challenge and this... This is a good one to start!
I have found that each night is an end and each day is a start! I am trying to use this to my advantage but am having issues! I am finding that the natural man and his laziness is really strong and I am pretty darn weak! But at the moment I am holing out and am still working hard. I can't do my workouts for fear of damaging my body and I won't be able to do them for another 10 days! That is according to the doctor that I saw. So, I have started to slow down on food and I am still feeling way tired all of the time. One of the medications I take also had the side effect of making me drowsy. Right now I am getting like 9 hours of sleep and I am still way tired! I just can't get less sleep than that right now or I will fall asleep in a lesson. I am just trying to ride it out. I will have to pull out of it when I have more strength. I am hoping to have that by the end of the week but we will see about that. That is when the medication runs out and I will really know if I am better.
I love and miss you. I am just sharing the bad right now but there is a lot of good! I have seen how much I have improved and I am helping in the lessons. I am making sense to people now and I realized where my mistakes were. It is crazy, but I see my progress and it has given me insight into how long this is really going to take. That is not the problem right now. Man so much good but so much bad! It is crazy right now! We will see how this week changes. I have hope that it will be a good week. And I have faith that I will start feeling better soon!
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